On that (ongoing) Heat Wave:

Another annotated thermometer

(Fahrenheit, because it is too hot to convert!)

40 F. Siberians melt. 
50 F. Scandinavians sweat. 
70 F. Alaskans declare record heatwave. Californians rise from hibernation. 
80 F. Canadians turn on the air conditioning full blast. Arizona residents stop shivering.
90 F. Death Valley residents awaken. Scandinavians go underground. 
100 F. British start sacrificing goats to make the sun go away. Californians finally turn off the heaters.
105 F [40 C!]. Texans drink coffee. Alaskans melt. 
110 F. Arabians awaken and thaw. Canadians weep. New Yorkers burst open street fire hydrants.
120 F. Australians notice the sun is out. All Europeans and Canadians spontaneously combust.
130 F. Too hot to think. Texans and Californians undo top button. Antarctica is gone, polar bears extinct.
150 F. Miami residents put on sunglasses. Texans turn on the fan.
200 F. Arizona children amuse themselves by dropping eggs on sidewalk and giggle while they fry.
212 F. [100 C!] Water boils. Death Valley residents put on deodorant.
327 F. Lead boils. Okies notice it is warm out.
345 F. Saharans comment that the sand is a little stingy today.
400 F. Camels die.
2000 F. Nuclear blast nominal yield.

Thanks to:

http://onceuponasmile.blogspot.com/